I’ve often been questioned whether I now hate that guy whom I loved so much, that guy who never loved me back. But heres my question, how can you hate someone whom you’d once loved with all your heart?!
No, I don’t hate him, and maybe I never will. I have no reason to. Just because he didn’t love me, doesn’t mean I should stop loving him and start hating him instead. He was a nice guy. Someone who maybe I would never forget.
People tell me, he will get back what he gave you, that he would surely suffer for not loving you. But no, I don’t want that. Why should he suffer? He doesn’t deserve to be sad for this. You can’t force someone to love you, can you?! He didn’t love me, but that’s not his fault. I still want him to stay happy where ever he is, even if its not with me. And I know he can never love me back, and i have accepted that finally. Yeah my love was too deep to be too painful, but it was matured enough too for forgiving him without him asking for forgiveness.
That’s what love is, isn’t it? Love is all about giving, and expecting nothing in return. For if we start expecting, then it would be called a business, not love. And that’s why I always say, I didn’t like him, I loved him. And now, I still do love him, but just a little tired of trying to get him.
No matter how much he’s put me in pain, whenever I think about love, its always him with a smile on my face
I talk to my friends, about you – my bestfriend, not for anything else but to show them what gift I’d been blessed with. Only if they knew that you once were my bestfriend, but, you aren’t anymore. And I only talk to them about you in a hope that what we were once, the best of friends, we would came back to that again. We might talk and meet up and do everything that we did, but deep down we know there’s something wrong, that our friendship has changed, that our love for each other has changed and that, nothings like before. Not our talks, nor our understanding, neither our time for each other. And that used to hurt, but quite less now. For time to time, people just get used to things. How I’m used to not being your best friend anymore. And it’s funny, that I talk about you more than I talk to you, that I talk about our meets more that I meet you. It’s funny, yet it even hurts at times. And maybe, we feel heartless saying each other that we care, knowing that we doubt on it ourselves! And maybe, I couldn’t tell you how much I love you, or maybe I don’t wanna say it anymore, that’s why I tell my friends. I tell them about you, but just not everything, so that they cannot love you how much I do.
Till yesterday I knew you weren’t mine, but today, today I feel ive lost you. Lost you for life, lost you forever. Till yesterday I was sad about it, but today I cry for you. All just because, I feel ive lost you. I missed you, I remembered the times I had with you, and I fell in love with you all over again. Just not in love, I fell for the pain too. The same pain, that I’d once got when I’d lost you. And now it starts all over again, all cuz I feel ive lost you today. And I’m scared, that I need to go through all that I’d gone through, just to get to the point that I feel like I’m over you. But now, I yet feel, that I’ve fallen in love with you all over again. I love you. I love you too much. You were never mine, not for once. Yet, I don’t know why, but I feel, IV lost you today. I miss you, love.
I used to go on around the world, telling people about you, and about how much I loved you. Not so that the world hates you for not loving me. They would never, for I could never find any bad in you to tell it to them. I used to tell them about my love for you only in a hope that, from ear to ear, one day it might reach you. And so that you know I loved you truly, I loved you more than anyone. But perhaps, it didn’t reach you, or maybe, I couldn’t make it reach you. But the love I have In for you, is just too less, but its still there. And now I go on around the world, telling people that I’ve moved on, that I’m finally over you. Not to make them feel happy for you, again just for you to hear that. Only so that you hear that, and not feeling bad but come to me, hold my hand and tell me, that you’ll never let go of me ever. And when you do that, I promise you, that I would hold your hand even tighter and then, I would go on around the world again. This time, with you. And this time, talking about not mine, but our love
And maybe, just maybe, if I hadn’t rushed in love with you, and if I hadn’t fallen for you too soon, I just wouldn’t have loved you at all. Maybe because, I fell for your fake personality. Your fake personality which I’d created in my heart. But as I get closer I realized, you’re not someone I loved at the beginning. You’re just a part of what i loved. And maybe, I could just give you that part of love, not the love I used to give you before. I try, I still try to love you the same, to love you how much I did. But, I cannot force myself to love you. If ever I do that, we would end up in a way which I would never want us to. I don’t wanna lose you, yet, I don’t wanna see you so close. I love you alot, just until I realize you’re not someone I love alot. It makes me sad, not that I lost someone, for I never had them. It makes me sad because you loved me the same way, all just for me, and all I could do it just stop loving you. I don’t wanna hurt you, but Im not able to love you either. I don’t know what this will cost me, but I will pay for every bit of it, simply because, I just know I have to get it. I hope you’ll understand, I love you.
And then, after hearing her parents shout at her, she left home, deciding to never return. It wasn’t the first time her parents did that, but maybe it was their last time. Every time they shouted, it brought her close to what she was going to do today. Maybe they didn’t realize, maybe they never even imagined, but every word of theirs hit her deeper and deeper everytime. And every pain that she felt got her to this thought of not only running away from them, but running away to god. Running away forever. She didn’t lock herself in her room, she didn’t go to the kitchen, she didn’t do anything that would make her parents know her going away was all planned. All because, she didn’t wanna hurt them, or make them lose their respect in front of anyone. She cared for them, even when she felt that they never did. And so she left, being angry but equally in tears, saying just nothing. And while she was walking, she did really have to think about what she was gonna do, for she just knew she needed to go away. How and where, she didn’t know. And just then when she saw the car coming towards her, she knew she didn’t have to do anything. And so, she did nothing. And just after hours, her parents walked in her room and sat beside her bed, crying, thinking, that maybe, just maybe if they wouldn’t have been too hard on her, then maybe she wouldve be alive. And maybe thats how every parent from now would learn a lesson, and atleast try and understand why their child is being different, rather than being hard on them thinking that that’s right for them. And maybe that’s how it is, when one loses, hundreds learn.