I promise, that after you leave me, after you break my heart, I’ll love no more! You had taught me how beautiful love was, now you’re teaching me how terribly painful love could be. You’re changing. And kill me if I’m wrong to say that I hurt you too bad. All I did was love you. Love you whole heartedly. Loved you at your darkest time. And there came a day where you woke up and decided to not love me anymore. But it took me so long to realize that. Cuz every time you hurt me, I reminded myself of the days you loved me so much, and told myself that you still love me that much. Your every pain given to me cracked my heart. And the day I finally realized the truth, my heart broke into pieces. But no, I can’t tell you this, I can’t tell you that I know that you don’t love me anymore. Just the fear that you’ll finally leave, on my face, with a goodbye, and I won’t have any reason to stop you. So here I am, standing just for you, looking at you turn away and walk. Only because, I love you. And I need to see you till the last I could ever see. You hurt me so bad, even though all I did was love you. You never valued me, but all I did was respect you for everything. I don’t want to tell you to be happy wherever you go, all I want to tell you is to leave, leave right now. That’s just how it is supposed to happen. I won’t hold your hand, I won’t ask you anything, I’ll ask you to leave and that’s what you should do. Because your stay will only carve the pain deeper. Leave, and I will bear the departure. For I could still bear the departure, not the pain you give. Leave right now, but don’t ask me to, for to be honest, I have no guts to leave you, I just cannot. I love you, but goodbye.
And I sat down to pen my thoughts, with sleepy eyes and a tired heart. Many topics arose, some from my heart, and some from my mind. Yet there was nothing I wanted to write about. And then I came to something I would want to write about, “strong hatred”, something which interests me. But soon I realized that you do not like talking about hatred at all, and so I dropped the topic feeling just nothing. And of all a sudden this thought arose, why am I even thinking about your taste? When I write for myself, why should I consider you at all? Why am I prioritizing your interests over mine? I never realized when I went from writing for myself to writing just for you. I never got to know when did you become so important to me, so dear to me. Moreover, I never realized when I fell in love with you. When where every word would be all mine, suddenly they all wanted to see you smile. When where all the lines wanted to feel me, suddenly they all wanted to just see you happy. When once this writing was written for my happiness, now i wonder would you like what I wrote just now. How couldn’t I realize that I’ve become a writer just for you to read me.
And I look up to the world again
With a genuine smile and no more pain
With open eyes I breathe fresh air
Cuz the feeling of love is barely there
The world without him looks still the same
Beautiful souls, a bit insane
I feel like a free bird which was caged in for long
At last I’ve realized he’s not the one to whom I belong
I feel alot happier than I used to before
Knowing that I’m in love just no more
Even though I should be sad he’s not mine
But I’m standing here feeling just fine
For I know I’ve moved on, finally completely
I’m no more sad, no more lonely
I’ve all to love, I’ve all to adore
Yes I’m smiling, but he’s just not the reason anymore.
The reason most of us choose to back off rather than living our dreams and fulfilling our wishes, is just that one line, “log kya kahenge”. And most of the time, that “log” which is usually called “society” consists of not strangers but our near and dear ones. Yes, our family, our friends, and relatives, all those ones that matter. That’s because all the people around, are judgmental. They judge, not only strangers walking by but everyone they’ll ever see. They judge not character but action, not nature but appearance. What they don’t understand is, there is a huge difference between character of a person and their action. For example, a person smoking needn’t be a bad person. Smoking could be bad, but that doesn’t make the character of that person bad. And we, we don’t know how to make friends. We get attached to random people even though they might disrespect us directly or indirectly, and then we spend our days chasing them so they don’t leave us.
That’s how dreams and wishes are blown away. We get scared that our friends, our dears ones might judge us. They might not like what we do, and so they might think we’re bad and they’ll eventually leave. The only reason that’s pulls back us is the thought saying “my friend might not like it” or “my relatives will get disappointed”.
Well, if we have so much time to think about everyone else, why don’t we think about ourselves. If something makes us happy, we should go ahead and do it. We gotta prioritize ourselves every once in a while. If you feel like swimming, go ahead. Don’t stop cuz your friends don’t like it and they won’t like you doing it either. Always remember, our wishes or our dreams don’t always define our character. It’s your life, live it you way.
And this is to everybody out there, stop being so judgmental about everything. You obviously wouldn’t want to have it back to you. And maybe this line was made just for people like you, and If not, I’m still dedicating it to you, ” live, and let live.”