As my wrist bleeds, i can see my hands shiver. I hear screams of people, the ones who are running to me, seeing me bleed. I see them with my eyes turning red, as it gets filled by the tears of my anger. I burn in, but more than that, i break. I look at my hand, and to them again, wondering if they would have run to me like this before, i wouldnt have done something like this to myself. ” Dont come close, or there ll be another hand to bleed. Who are you all? Nothing to me i believe. Stay away, or you see me die.” i couldnt say more, i didnt wanna cry there. These words hit me harder than it hit anybody. “We care for you” they said, making me wonder what beautiful liars they could be. I couldnt reply, i knew it wont matter. Deep inside, i knew i wished they would care for me, but the hurt they gave me didnt let me forgive them. I looked away, i couldnt face them, i was weak. I faced towards the sky, i could feel something wrong. I closed my eyes, and i couldnt feel anything thereafter!
Im scared mom, scared of your absence
Why did you go, hiding your presence
You mean the world to me, all you are my own
Why did your soul leave the body, and left me alone?
You promised to stay with me whenever i would fall
You always walked by my side from the time i started to crawl
Then why did you leave my hand and go away so far
In those heavenly skies, being that brightest star
Every part of my body aches in the pain of your departure
You, being the best mother, best friend and the best teacher
Where i would feel the safest place was sleeping on you lap
With the best songs you sang, giving me the best nap
I wish heaven had a number, so i would talk to you everyday
In a hope that you ll come back to me, someday
Youre the best mom, and you will always be
Mom, i love you, please come back to me
I sat there,all alone. Avoiding having conversations with those bestfriends and good friends of mine. I didnt wanna be alone though. I just didnt want those known faces around me anymore. I sat there alone for no longer than 2minutes until you accompanied me. You, the one who had been my bestfriend, once upon a time. You sat next to me, asking me what i was doing. For a little i had known you still, all you wanted to know was the reason for my sadness. I couldnt really tell you though, i didnt feel it right to. But you sat next to me for 5minutes or a little longer. I didnt know i was feeling so good, until you got up to leave! And when you did, i could feel a little pain inside. The one similar to the one id felt when we had stopped talking forever. I felt bad for the feeling id felt. For i realised, i still didnt find anyone who could replace you! And those bestfriends sitting there?! Nevermind! All i wanted to do was, stop you from leaving, ask you to sit besides me, and tell you to talk to me more. And when you left, id realised, all this while you were sitting beside me, i felt id got back my bestfriend. And i knew i didnt need anyone, cuz you being there for me, was everything. But i didnt speak a word, and let you go. I smiled to myself. A smile of sadness. Not being ready to come into reality again. All the memories, the flashbacks came infront of my eyes. I looked at you, and you gave me a smile. I whispered “i miss you” and then, just looked away. Into reality.
You didnt realise when id walked away from you
For you were busy loving her, but i was waiting for you
Your love for her was true enough, i could see
You love her the most, you used to tell me
But im standing here, far away from your sight
For i cant see you with her, happy and alright
You saw me going, but you didnt do anything
For i knew, to you, i meant nothing
I am waiting for you yet, and it seems too long
For i hope one day you ll call me and ask, what went wrong
But this distance between us, is hurting so bad
How i wish this love for you i wouldve never had
Its killing me inside, that she ll have you for ever
And i know i can have you never
But please come to me, i love you
Just look back, im still here, only waiting for you
Yes! Id loved once. Loved someone more than myself. Being loved by someone more than anyone else. I agree, that feeling was great. Loving someone and being loved by the same person, is one of the best feelings you can ever feel. Yeah, id felt that feeling. Never did i know, i had to pay the cost of it. When you love someone, they become your everything. And when they leave, you are left with nothing. Yes, i was left with nothing. Just a goodbye was all i heard, and that still echoes in my ear. Those times, where the nights passed only with tears but no sleep. And the days passed sitting all alone, waiting, hoping for my love to come back to me. I felt so alone. That feeling was horrible, it was scary. I had got no reason to live, i wanted to die. The cuts i made only hurt me so bad, never did it kill me. Being so alone, broke me inside. It ruptured my soul, the soul who could never live again. Yes, i have that soul in me, hidden within me. I still have the scars, i still have the pain within me. Im not waiting anymore, neither am i living but. Yes, i had loved someone. But no, i ll never love anyone anymore. For there is no love within me, to give it to anyone. And for the fact that id once loved, i will never want to love again.
I’m in a mess, since the day you left. And i haven’t yet found anyone who could replace you. Sometimes, i hate you and feel good about moving on. But yet, sometimes i miss you so bad and realise how i still care for you so much. For theres everyone iv tried to compare with you, and known no one is as true as you were.
Since the day you had left, theres no one who had stayed. But theres no one who mattered to me till now how much you did.
You hurt me the most, yet i tell you with pure honesty, i love you. Youre still the best, though not the same person you once were.
Its years now, yet i need you so bad. No one else, but just you. Please come back. I really really miss you!
I dont know anymore, what i hold in for you
All i knew, that id once loved you
I dont know, whether this love still remains
For i hear your name, but my heart just pains
Its easy for me not to text you everyday
Yet its hard to decide whether i should walk away
For i know you wouldnt run behind, you wouldnt chase me
You didnt let me love you, nor you ever loved me
But its not the love, that reminds me of your name
Its the pain that makes realise id been played a good game
I loved you once, how would i forget you ever?
You taught me how to love, how could i just love another?
I would never hate you, i can promise you on this
For we never hate someone who were once our bliss
You were my first love, the memory of which i could never get rid
Maybe i still love you alot, just not how much i once did