I see myself, sitting quite in the darkness around

But this time, I don’t see myself so alone

Because I see you with me, I see you coming to me

Walking and sitting besides, just how I want you to be

You’ve understood my forlorn silence, the silence I never desired,

You came here to me, to listen to my unheard words.

And for some reason, in this world full of daunting people,

I didn’t feel the tremor in me, anymore.

You looked at me like I’m all that you ever want to listen to,

And that, that made me speak all that I’ve ever wanted to say.

You enfolded me in your arms and held me so tight,

That the warmth of your hug started to heal parts of my soul.

I stayed there, and so did you, like that

Like how I’ve been wanting to stay from so long

But you’re not really here, I saw you through my mind,

And now I’m here, longing for you in real.



I walked here and there, amidst the daily distractions

With forgetful hope, and no expectations

I walked there, as I walk there everyday

Heads down, heavy heart, and a low smile

You whispered my name, yes you did

So soft, like a home calling to a homesick

I lifted my head to look at the eyes of the voice

I saw you looking at me, I saw you standing right there 

You called me to come home, come home to you

You called out for me, you came just for me

But when I walked towards you, painfully happy

You disappeared like thin air, invisible, in a blink

It was you, wasn’t it? It was you there, right?

You’d come for me, you came to be my home

Don’t go this way, come back to me

Hold my hand, I need you to do that

You weren’t being a passerby, I don’t want to accept this

You’d come for me, I want this to be true

You’d come for me right? Call me again once more, please?

Come back, I promise I wouldn’t let you away this time

Don’t paint my true self

No, don’t belittle my fears, don’t disparage my emotions. They are all true, they’re all real. As real as I am. But I have no proof of the origin to these emotions. They just somehow exist, hidden somewhere deep within me, where I reach out to, innumerable times. Like I am now, surrendering to it, sleeping in it like it’s my own bed. They’re all real to me. The fears I see in my own eyes, the rush of hormones inside my body, the cold shivers tickling me. They’re all alive with me, like a part of my body now. Don’t think of me as a stupid human just because I tell you I feel scared but I don’t know of what. Because I’m just telling you what my truth is, what I know of me. When you’re scared of something, you do have a solution to cure that something around or in you. But when you don’t even know what you’re scared of, how are you gonna look out for a solution? You can only look out for a distraction, which in the end is just a temporary solution. But my fear treats me like a paralysis attack, making me defenseless. All I could think of is reach out for help, because this feeling of fear is dreadful. But when someone picks up my call for help, all I hear is that its all in my mind. Wait, what? Is it? Is it all in my mind and I’m not genius enough to realize that? Duh, If it really was just all about my mind, my distractions would’ve been my permanent solutions by now. You look away like its a petty rush of hormones, which will calm down in a day. But do you realize how many days you’ve been looking away like this? 

What I’m feeling, is a really bad feeling, you know. Don’t tell me or make me feel that I’m not trying hard enough, because then that makes you less deserving and less capable to understanding me. But if you say so, that things will get better eventually, then I strongly agree to you. My angst has become much stronger and better than it was before. 

Not trying to ask any help anymore, but there’s a lot of hell you’re just ignorant of.

Understand. Really?

Its funny, that people tell you that its only you in the end who is responsible for you self happiness and sadness, and everything that you ever feel. Yet people still tell you to stop blaming things on yourself for the things happening to you, for there are some morons alive in this world responsible for it. Its really funny, but you won’t feel like laughing at it. Because for something to be funny, you first need to understand it. And this thing cannot be understood. If someone hurts you, its them who are at fault, not you. But then, you are the one suffering for things you didn’t do? Well, you did something. You gave them the power to hurt you, you gave them that much place in your heart that they were capable of hurting you. Wait, what? Come on, who knew they would turn around and hurt you? But come on, how did you believe they wouldn’t? Funny, right? Laugh, not because you’ve understood what exactly the issue is, but because you really don’t know how to get out of it.

Know your self

If you stand there, hoping to see a change in a person, or a situation, you are most likely to get disappointed. Just because you want someone to behave in a certain way, which you have reasons to feel it right, doesn’t mean they will or have to behave that way. You wouldn’t change according to them always either, so why them? No matter how right you are or how wrong they are, if you keep your hopes or happiness in the hands of others, they will surely drop it some day. Its your happiness, you have to look after it. They won’t look after it the same way always. Don’t depend on other’s, their actions or reactions, for your emotions. Don’t make anyone dictate that for you.

Its a tendency to expect more than accept. Its like breaking your heart by your own self. But then, why would you wanna break your own heart?

Don’t wait for an apology, or an appreciation. Not receiving one won’t make you less deserving of it. 

Know yourself better, than anyone coming and making you believe things about yourself which aren’t true. Live for your own beautiful self. Look after yourself.

Are you busy?

Take your degrees, 

Your assignments, your homeworks,

Take all you have that kept you so busy.

Show it to them when they’re feeling really sad,

Or when they’re just about to kill themselves.

Because if you think that’s more important to you,

Than the person being sad there,

Then it would be very stupid of them not to understand

That of course, you didn’t be with them because you didn’t have time.

You didn’t go to see them, when they called you for it.

You didn’t go to see them, because you were just so busy.

So busy with your wonderful life,

That you had no time to look for them?

But you slept soundly, woke up happily and lived the whole day joyfully,

Even with knowing the fact that all they want is to meet you for their betterment.

What should they infer from this, that you care but are so busy to not show it?

Or that, you just really don’t care anymore to make time?

Dear Best friend.

And when the reality comes knocking at your door

Please do not look away, or shut it back

Open the door, let it sink in

Know that its not a dream which you’d be wishing it to be
Know that your best friend was once there, until then

Know that I did not run away from anything

No, I wasn’t a coward, really

Know that I really tried to be the strongest version of myself
When you feel the warm air embracing you from the open door

Know its me coming to you, afterlife

Apologising to you, for leaving without saying a goodbye

Coming to you, to say that I really love you
But not to.worry, I’ll be there around

You won’t be able to see me, but I’ll always be around

So what if I’m no more, I will still stand on the promise we made

To be best friends and love each other for life and after